For me journaling was a healing routine for exploring and expressing my most intimate thoughts and feelings. My life had become a seesaw of intense highs followed by gut-wrenching lows and my only solace came through my writing, pouring each emotion onto the page.

Little did I know at the time, that some psychologists actually prescribe journaling as therapy, because it allows you to get to the deepest recesses of your mind. By taking the story out of oneself and putting it onto the page we change painful confusion into poignant clarity. Thus began the journey of overcoming my depression.

Constant attempts at self-harm and a severe sense of debilitating despair became the pages of my life. Depression had always stepped around me from a young age, but it wasn’t until I moved away from home to pursue my radio career that I felt the full brunt of it, and first tried to take my own life.

It wasn’t until two years later that I was formally diagnosed with severe clinical depression and put on medication. But antidepressants were not for me. While they stabilised my moods somewhat, they failed to fix the problem long-term, instead piling on 15 kilos in the twelve months I was taking them. Besides, I didn’t want to be reliant on medication for the rest of my life. I wanted a cure, not a bandaid.

I came off the medication just before landing my dream job back home in Melbourne. But once settled, the roller coaster of emotions began. When I was told I had to either return to the safe-haven of antidepressants or go to some sort of rehabilitation home, I knew I’d hit rock bottom and needed to act.

One thing was for sure – I needed to be treated from a physical perspective, so I started getting acupuncture every two weeks. Strange as it sounds, sticking tiny little pins into your body releases endorphins while balancing out serotonin levels. The relief was instant and enough to keep my suicidal thoughts at bay while I worked with a life coach on sorting through the negative mind chatter.

Depression feeds on negativity and the belief that ‘I can’t’ or ‘I’m not worthy’. I began changing my internal dialogue, which changed my perception of both myself and the world around me. The conversation I had with myself became more positive, as I began to observe then disregard the critical voices within.

Of course, the overwhelming dark feelings of doom and gloom took time to correct. We had to completely reprogram my brain in order to reclaim the identity that had somehow become lost in a mess of self-destructive behaviour. I would self-sabotage at every opportunity, then guilt would kick in and I would start the internal beat-up.

My most valuable lesson was that depression is a label, and just like a pair of jeans, we can chose whether or not we want to wear it. I had allowed the doctor’s diagnosis of suffering severe clinical depression, to turn into an excuse to be sad, a mask to hide behind, and worst of all, a tool to create dramas in my life.

I held onto that diagnosis so tight, it stripped me of the ability to get well. Realising that there was a doorway out of my hell was the first big step in my recovery. Once I knew that I could overcome the depression, my journey began. I started experimenting with different natural remedies, using myself as a guinea pig. Some were more successful than others.

A diet of good food and rest became a priority, and exercise, a necessity. Many people fail to recognise that exercise can be used like a drug. When we get active for an extended period of time, feel-good endorphins are released into the body. This lifts our mood and helps us think more clearly, while distracting us from the stresses of our everyday life.

After learning that dietary changes bring about changes in our brain structure, chemistry, and physiology, thus leading to changes in behaviour, I began using food as my medicine. Rice, greens, oily fish and bananas, given their serotonin-boosting qualities, soon became prominent ingredients in my everyday meals. Even snacking on walnuts would lift the brain fog of an afternoon.

Unfortunately, chocolate had to be taken off the menu during my recovery, as I soon learnt that indulging in this sweet treat would leave me feeling emotional and fragile once the initial buzz wore off. I learnt to become a mood-food detective and identify which foods would puncture my mental state.

As I started researching the affects of food on a person’s mood, I discovered sugar, caffeine and alcohol were the three big brain drainers. Caffeine increases anxiety by over stimulating the nervous system, sugar causes roller-coaster mood swings of rapid highs followed by intense lows, while alcohol is a depressant that does nothing more than mask the pain, while impairing proper serotonin uptake.

But treating the mind and the body were only two thirds of the equation. Nurturing the soul was the last component I was missing to ensure a full recovery. If the soul is ignored or malnourished, the psyche, and ultimately the body, suffers.

So I got in touch with my inner child and started to laugh more, watching comedies and attending regular laughter yoga classes. Laughter is a powerful antidote for depression. When we laugh, especially when we really let ourselves go, our endocrine system releases endorphins and encephalins, reducing feelings of stress, and leaving behind a sense of euphoria.

Laughter wasn’t my only source of fun. I pursued my passions, getting back behind my drumkit after a small hiatus, going out dancing and taking the odd hip hop class. I even did a floristry course, which gave me yet another creative outlet while at the same time relaxing me. I began to nurture myself, indulging in baths with soft music and scented candles and the occasional massage.

As my moods lightened I started to really take responsibility for my happiness. I stopped blaming others for my current situation and realised that everyone has emotional scars; it’s how you chose to deal with those hurts that determines whether they affect your overall wellbeing.

My self-esteem began to repair and as my confidence grew I started stepping out of my comfort zone. I was no longer socially awkward and could hold conversations with complete strangers. My relationships with my parents and friends strengthened as I learnt that I could rely on those around me.

The problem with depression is that it can stop you from connecting with the outside world. Depressed people often suffer an exaggerated sense of isolation. We need, just as we need air, food and water, to be a part of the woven pattern of human life.

Having a strong support network helps in many ways. Hanging out with happy people gives you ‘time-out’ from your depression. Friends can be a shoulder to cry on, there to hold your hand as you step out of your comfort zone, and an extra pair of eyes to observe any changes in behaviour should you relapse.

Depression soon became nothing more than a shuffling in the wings. By this point, even when the dark shadows tapped me on the shoulder, I no longer fell to their mercy. I had successfully rewired my brain, so that I would seek out the opportunity in every situation rather than the pitfalls.

Just as the dark cloud was lifting, I suffered a major health scare, which landed me in hospital needing surgery. At the same time, my partner of almost five years left me. But despite these misfortunes, this time I stayed afloat. The self-development work I had done had given me extensive coping skills and prepared me well for life’s obstacles. I was able to quickly recover from both the physical and emotional wounds.

Almost four years on, I have not suffered a single relapse and live a happy and fulfilling life, constantly achieving new goals, while having fun along the way. I bought my own apartment, took in the sights of Europe and the United States, began following my passions of freelance writing and became a qualified Life Coach so I could use my experience and insights on depression to help others. I even met an amazing man to share my life with.

I realise now that depression is not a random chemical event, but an emotional logic. It shows up when one is being harmful to themselves and not listening to their heart and soul. As awful as it is, depression is a ‘gift’ – an early warning signal you ignore at your own peril.